The Transformative Power of a Novembering Service
Every year, we reserve a Sunday in November for a special type of service dedicated to remembering loved ones who have passed away. There are lots of tears and hugs, but also comfort in community.
What’s Novembering?
Every year since our launch, we have reserved a Sunday in November for a special service called Novembering. This service is dedicated to remembering and honoring our loved ones who have passed away—be it parents, grandparents, spouses, children (born or unborn), aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, or even pets.
Many people eagerly look forward to this service every year.
This service is comparatively quieter and more reflective, and our worship songs are usually slower and more contemplative. The staff and leaders also dress in black, as if attending a funeral.
Throughout the service, we read lament psalms together, light candles in memory of our loved ones, and share their names and stories.
While it might be too late for you to do a Novembering service this year, these are ideas and practices you can incorporate into any of the holiday services to honor those for whom the holidays can be painful as well as joyful.
Watch our latest Novembering service from the St. Paul campuses.
Four Reasons We Do Novembering
1. The Holidays Can be Hard
If you’ve lost someone you love, the holidays can be a difficult time, especially if it’s the first time you have that empty chair. We hope that Novembering can help people enter the holiday season with a little more hope in Christ, comfort in one another, and healthy grieving skills.
2. Grieving Well Brings Healing
Grief is a complex, painful emotion that we all experience differently. But one thing is true—most of us don’t know how to grieve well. We know dozens of unhealthy ways to grieve, like burying our emotions, overworking, or self-medicating with food or alcohol. Novembering attempts to lead people in emotionally healthy, biblical models of grief.
3. Healing Happens Together
Western culture tends to grieve privately, but much of the world is communal and grieves corporately. There is healing that happens when we grieve together. That’s why funerals, wakes, and memorials are so vital for the grieving process. (This idea was inspired by a Ronald McDonald House collection box.)
4. The Church Should Model Lament
The Bible is full of lament—people pouring out their emotions of deep sorrow, grief, or remorse. One-third of all psalms are individual and corporate laments. After thousands of years, we still have plenty of reasons to lament, but we don’t do it nearly enough, especially in the Church. Novembering is our intentional effort to give time and space to pour out our hearts to God and one another
Components of Our Novembering Services
Our annual service has a familiar format that we follow each year. Though we don't use all seven components every time, we do use many of them. Some elements have become traditions for us, so we use them every year.
Slower Worship Songs
Our worship leaders tend to choose slower, more meditative worship songs and often perform with smaller bands or play acoustic sets. Some beautiful and timeless hymns are also included in our worship services as they help in creating a calming, serene space where people can feel the peace and comfort of God. Depending on the theme of the teaching, we sometimes end with a more celebratory praise song to uplift the congregation.
Teaching on a Lament Psalm
Our sermon is always focused on a lament psalm. There are plenty to pick from! We take this time to explain the characteristics of biblical lament and emphasize the importance of both complaint and praise in healthy grief.
Skills Lesson on Grief
In some years, we also include a short instructional teaching on some aspects of grieving well. We have covered topics such as ambiguous loss, the ball-and-box analogy, the non-linear approach to the stages of grief, and more.
Poems or Readings
When it comes to addressing grief, we find it helpful to include emotional and visceral content such as poems or readings. Among our top choices are the cute little book Elf Help: Grief Therapy, the poem “i carry your heart with me” by e. e. cummings, the reflection “The Blessing Hidden in Grief” by Henri Nouwen, or the anonymous poem “Lend Me Your Hope,”
Videos about Grief
We also like to play a video or two as an alternative means of engaging with the topic of grief. One of our perennial favorites is The Mourning Booth by the Skit Guys. This year, we also used “Forsaken” by Journey Box Media
Candle Lighting
This is one of the most powerful moments in the service. Beforehand, we set up a table of votive candles, like you might see in a Catholic church. We invite people to come up and light a candle in memory of a loved one they have lost. Sometimes, we play music while other times we sit with the silence. It is a truly beautiful and meaningful experience.
Open Mic Sharing
During the candle lighting, we also invite people to share the names of loved ones they’ve lost. Sometimes, people will share a memory or story as well. We request everyone to keep their remarks brief to ensure that everyone has a chance to share. This can go 10-20 minutes, sometimes with dozens of people sharing. I It is an emotional time, filled with tears, but it is also surprising to see how many people share smiles and fond memories.
A Novembering Benediction
There’s one more reason we do a Novembering service—because grief and comfort are fundamental to our sanctifying relationship with Christ. The Apostle Paul describes it beautifully in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”
